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SELF Belief: If You Don’t Believe, Who Will?

November 5, 2011

I love to motivate others, but this motivation first began with myself.
When I was young – a child filled with dreams, but often faced with adversity – I decided that Self Belief was the one gift I had to give myself. I concluded this:

“No one will ever believe in you nor for you more than you first believe in and for yourself.”

To date, I’m still not sure how I came up with such a positive affirmation, but it works. It worked then, and it’s still working now.

What we can attain in this world is at the disposal of our mind. That’s right. What you are capable of is secondary when it comes to what you believe you are capable of. Belief fuels motivation. If you believe for something strongly enough, you’ll keep it in your forethought. You start to visualize it. Feel it. Soon enough, you find yourself living it by playing it out moment-to-moment in your mind.

I’ve been there. In fact, I make it appoint to go there [to my dreams] daily.

Why? I like to keep a mental image of the life I deserve – the one I BELIEVE I will have – irregardless of what present moment circumstances look like.

Sure. I wake up with a task list of what I need to do each day. I work hard. I get things done the best I can with what I have. Then, I rest assured in my beliefs.

Naturally, I have some days of derailment. We all do. Failing up is a part of success. But I tell you this truth, “Whatever you let control your mind will control you.” (Carter G. Woodson). You have to know you are worth the birth of your dreams. You have to get energized about your desired purpose.

People around you can feel your energy. If you have fear, they’ll feel your fear. If you have anger, they feel your anger. Conversely, if you have Self Belief, and a defined level of certitude about who you are, people feel this – and they feed off  it. Energy is an attraction (or repellant) magnet.

What do you belief about and for yourself? Before you answer, just know that You will never go (in life) any higher than you think.

As for me, I’m “striving for epitome.”

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SELF BELIEF: If You Don’t Believe, Who Will?

November 5, 2011

I love to motivate others to live, but this motivation first began with myself.
When I was young – a child filled with dreams, but often faced with adversity – I decided that Self Belief was the one gift I had to give myself. I concluded this:

“No one will ever believe in you nor for you more than you first believe in and for yourself.”

To date, I’m still not sure how I came up with such a positive affirmation, but it works. It worked then, and it’s still working now.

What we can attain in this world is at the disposal of our mind. That’s right. What you are capable of is secondary when it comes to what you believe you are capable of. Belief fuels motivation. If you believe for something strongly enough, you’ll keep it in your forethought. You start to visualize it. Feel it. Soon enough, you find yourself living it by playing it out moment-to-moment in your mind.

I’ve been there. In fact, I make it appoint to go there [to my dreams] daily.

Why? I like to keep a mental image of the life I deserve – the one I BELIEVE I will have – irregardless of what present moment circumstances look like.

Sure. I wake up with a task list of what I need to do each day. I work hard. I get things done the best I can with what I have. Then, I rest assured in my beliefs.

Naturally, I have some days of derailment. We all do. Failing up is a part of success. But I tell you this truth, “Whatever you let control your mind will control you.” (Carter G. Woodson). You have to know you are worth the birth of your dreams. You have to get energized about your desired purpose.

People around you can feel your energy. If you have fear, they’ll feel your fear. If you have anger, they feel your anger. Conversely, if you have Self Belief, and a defined level of certitude about who you are, people feel this – and they feed off  it. Energy is an attraction (or repellant) magnet.

What do you belief about and for yourself? Before you answer, just know that You will never go (in life) any higher than you think.

As for me, I’m “striving for epitome.”

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Occupy YOU before You Occupy Wall Street

November 2, 2011

Every day I wake up I have to give thanks for my Daily Bread – especially since the economic state shows no ability to turn itself around in the near future. Life can get you down if you watch the news and statistics of this country . Occupy Wall Street has been a close up view of the character of our country and her politics, but I refuse to be depressed. No. Instead, I choose to Occupy Me.

The thing about life is there will always be something to distract you from your focus. We have to learn to “mind our business.” No, I’m not suggesting that each person walk around oblivious to the conditions of our society. What I mean, however, is that we take time to work on ourselves. Worry about the conditions that your self is living with – this way, as troubles arise around you, you’ll be in a healthy and fit condition to affect positive change in the world in which you live.

When I was younger I read a quotation, “One cannot change the world.  He can only change himself to adopt to the world in which he lives.” I’m not certain who wrote this – but that’s germane to my point, anyway. The quotation has priority truth. It’s not that the world can’t be changed, but true indeed, in order to change the world, the individual wanting change has to start with herself. Before we are credible to help others, we must first help ourselves. Before you give to a neighbor, you must first ensure you have enough to share.

Life can be demanding and all to often I’ve witnessed – myself included – folks giving so much of themselves – their time, money, resources, that they were too burned out to take care of their own home front. I’m all for helping, but I’m also for self-prioritizing.

Take care of you so that you’ll have the energy and resources to also help your neighbor. Then the world. Sometimes too much focus on the big picture –  like the conditions of our country – can be overwhelming and depressing. Negative emotions  can easily drain your energy and send you into depression. To maintain the health of your mind you have to balance your thoughts out with positive energy. When we prioritize ourselves and nurture ourselves, we can wake up each day with gratitude, being grateful that our needs are met, and hopeful that soon enough the world will reach sufficiency as well.

Live in order. Take time for you. Take care of You. Then, offer your services to others. You’ll have better chances of helping another after you’ve first helped yourself.

Have you had your priorities out-of-order lately? Has your self nourishment been sidetracked by the world’s dilemmas? Let me know what you plan to do to Occupy YOU.

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Your Company is Your Business: Friendship Cuts

October 20, 2011

Have YOU ever felt like letting someone go and retracted the thought and said, ” maybe I’m being harsh.” Then another instance, and another happened, and so on. But, you were so used to excusing their past behaviors that you felt kind of silly for addressing this last instance–that when measured to past offenses you forgave, was really quite silly?

Let me tell you, I’ve been there, and I still revisit there from time to time, but this day, TODAY, I’m taking my Head Coach position back.

This is what I’ve concluded about Friendship: Everybody Can’t and Won’t make your team. You’re the Coach. Don’t be afraid to have folks “cut.” If they like, they can “try out again” after they acquire some Skills in your Language.

To some of you, this may sound harsh. And, it is your right to emote these feelings from my blog. However, truthfully speaking, when we All step out of fear, we know this is true.

If everybody were allowed to be in our Friendship Company, then there would really be no level of higher standards in life. We’d all be completely happen with each other, as we are — but the world is not there yet, and I’m personally OK with this.

I’ve realized that life is about evolution. Some friends evolve with you, while it’s necessary for others to be left behind. And yet, still others will be steps ahead of you, keeping you focused on your course, giving you tracks to follow. The best friends yet, those you may call “true friends” walk right beside you. They are honest, loving, encouraging, and tough. They tell you the truth, and cry with you about the truth, if and when needed. True Friends give you freedom to be, and as the saying goes, “The truth shall set you free.” Friends equal freedom.

I’m in a season where the higher I reach – which is the same as the deeper I grow, within — the more I notice mix-matched friendships, and as the Coach of Team Turqueya, I have to cut some folks. Sure, this can be painful. But I rather live in temporary pain with truth, then permanent damage and struggle.

Whenever you feel fearful to address interactions that you perceive as wrong or a misfit for who you truly are, know that its OK to still act with fear. Afterall, all things created in fear are unreal. Only when you are willing to tell the truth to yourself and others will you truly be set free.

Today’s the perfect day to free yourself from mix-matched teams– from fakes, haters, leaches, Pretenders, Enviers –you get the picture. The only team you belong on is Team YOU. And, you need the right teammates to win in love and life. And you know what, a second string team isn’t so bad, either. They give your lead players a break, when needed. 🙂

Cheers to Friendship, built on SOLID [true] ground.

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Always Striving For Epitome – Turqueya

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Your Company Is Your Business

October 20, 2011

Have YOU ever felt like letting someone go, then retracted the thought and said, “maybe I’m being harsh.” Then another instance, and another happened, and so on. But, you were so used to excusing their past behaviors that you felt kind of silly for addressing this last instance–that when measured to past offenses you forgave, was really quite silly?

Let me tell you, I’ve been there, and I still revisit there from time to time, but this day, TODAY, I’m taking my Head Coach position back.

This is what I’ve concluded about Friendship: Everybody Can’t and Won’t make your team. You’re the Coach. Don’t be afraid to have folks “cut.” If they like, they can “try out again” after they acquire some Skills in your Language.

To some of you, this may sound harsh. And, it is your right to emote these feelings from my blog. However, truthfully speaking, when we All step out of fear, we know this is true.

If everybody were allowed to be in our Friendship Company, then there would really be no level of higher standards in life. We’d all be completely happen with each other, as we are — but the world is not there yet, and I’m personally OK with this.

I’ve realized that life is about evolution. Some friends evolve with you, while it’s necessary for others to be left behind. And yet, still others will be steps ahead of you, keeping you focused on your course, giving you tracks to follow. The best friends yet, those you may call “true friends” walk right beside you. They are honest, loving, encouraging, and tough. They tell you the truth, and cry with you about the truth, if and when needed. True Friends give you freedom to be, and as the saying goes, “The truth shall set you free.” Friends equal freedom.

I’m in a season where the higher I reach – which is the same as the deeper I grow, within — the more I notice mix-matched friendships, and as the Coach of Team Turqueya, I have to cut some folks. Sure, this can be painful. But I rather live in temporary pain with truth, then permanent damage and struggle.

Whenever you feel fearful to address interactions that you perceive as wrong or a misfit for who you truly are, know that its OK to still act with fear. Afterall, all things created in fear are unreal. Only when you are willing to tell the truth to yourself and others will you truly be set free.

Today’s the perfect day to free yourself from Others’ teams– from fakeers, haters, leaches, Pretenders — the only team you belong on is Team YOU. And, you need the right teammates to win. And you know what, a second string team isn’t so bad, either. They give your lead players a break, when needed. :-)

Cheers to Friendship, built on SOLID [true] ground.

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Always Striving For Epitome – Turqueya

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Children Learn What they Live, WE ALL DO!

October 13, 2011

As a child, I loved to read inspiring messages, you know, the ones that made you feel all warm and aglow inside. The ones that made you want to make a difference in this world by taking heed to them (oh, this may just be me, as I’m often told how unique I am, and I receive it!)

A childhood favorite – one I consider in the rearing of my own children – is “Children Learn What They Live, written by Dr. Dorothy Nolte. The poem is phenomenal, filled with truth, and has been in me all these years – even as an adult. And today, as I read it in my own home, I conclude:  ALL PEOPLE LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE. And if not properly channeled, what we live becomes apart of us.

Our environment can have healthy influence as well as toxic influence. Our nurture can strengthen us, or break us down, spiritually.

It’s no secret that I’m an advocate of Domestic Violence Awareness, and as I reflect on the freedom from it, I’m so grateful and also again, enlightened. I can today admit that living in seasons of abuse, consequently taught me to be abusive. No. Not by its popular definition. I was not BEATING FOLKS UP – well not physically, anyway. But I have been told, all too often, that my words can be rather harsh.

This was something I got tired enough of hearing, so much that I decided to UNLEARN. To reprogram myself, and now, I enjoy sharing my growth [out of it] with people like you, listeners. I now offer loving feedback, with tact, and when needed, assertiveness. I Speak up for myself – I’ve simply learned to better gauge my timing 🙂

I don’t like feeling inadequate so I work hard to transform any known deficiencies. This is easy when you are AWARE that you have a negative addiction. But what about all those who are UNAWARE? The expansion of Domestic Violence is widely attributed to the fact that all-too-many people simply don’t know what it is, and don’t know that they don’t know (did u get that?).

Keeping in agreement with Dr.  Nolte’s truth, We learn what we live with. If all a person lives with is violence, they are more likely a violent being – known or unknown.

Wikipedia broadly defines  Domestic Violence as ” as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or cohabitation.” Take special note at the FRIENDS, and pay attention to their habits.

Today I simply want to educate a little more on the topic. A little sound advice however, is simply to PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FEELINGS. They rarely lie to you. If a person makes you feel bad – on any level – immediately allow some space. You don’t have to know something is wrong to feel that it is wrong. Trust your gut feelings. Don’t hold on to familiarity. Often times, what we’re familiar with rarely is what’s best for us. Leave room to be enlightened. To broaden your own horizon. This way, variety can help you make better decisions – in life and Love.

Who are YOU with? How do they Make you FEEL? Your feelings, if unaddressed, definitely are becoming a part of YOU. Energy can’t be destroyed; It is only ALWAYS transferred. So today I ask, “WHO YOU WITH?” I hope the answer is LOVE – those giving it and receiving yours.

Here’s a version of my favorite childhood poem. Enjoy it. And keep its concept in your heart. – Turqueya

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Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. (Thank You Ms. Nolte, for Your CONTRIBUTION)


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with love, they learn  to find peace and happiness in this world.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

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I Used to Love Him, Now I Don’t… But How Do I Leave?

October 1, 2011

You Used to Love Him, but Now You Don’t? I’ve been there. I understand. And here’s my suggestion.

You Pack Up! You Lead Your Life. You be the Leader…and LEAVE!

Just about Everyone can relate to having an indulgence of something. For most of us, hopefully, it’s something that connotes positivism. Like Happiness.Favorite Foods (for me sweets). Fun. Lot’s of It. Shopping Aches. These are just a few of my favorite indulgences in life. But I can also recall many a times where Fear, Darkness and Toxic Love were in my indulging habits too. I called it love, at first, but later learned it was truly Domestic Violence (DV). DV doesn’t rule my life, anymore, but I have compassion and love for all those who have endured, are enduring, and  us others who cannot forget the memory of it.

It’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I’ve met Domestic Violence, Lived with it, and Now I’m on a mission to educate others about it, and free spirits from it. PERIOD. So for my sisters (and brothers) who feel alone in this darkness, let me share myself with you.

I was introduced to relationship violence when I was a college student – an out-of-state, away from my family and support, all-by-myself college student. Who I came to know as abuse first showed up as my Prince Charming. Mr. Charming was good to me. I mean I was in a new state, had new freedom (all teenagers are blissfully in heaven when they leave their parents’ home), I was already overly confident, and then… He Found Me.

I was swept off my feet. In the early Stages. It’s school nights and we’re going out to eat every night. Taking strolls in the city parks in late night hours. Chivalry was in abundance. The campus was already a culture shock for my more urban city personality. And Mr. Charming eased right in to the position of my chauffeur and “Personal Guide,” strategically might I add. “Caking” as they called it when I arrived on the NC State grounds of N.C. And My heart was in heaven( my body, might I add, quickly gained the “freshman fifteen”).  He , Mr. Charming, was perfect in my eyes. You couldn’t tell me Anything negative about him!

He mastered special days – Birthdays, Anniversaries; Mr. Charming even cared about my family’s special days – for a season, or two. I got the coach purses, just because (little did I know the price). We took trips, at His expense, then at the expense of my newfound credit, which later became my newfound Debt (that’s a lesson in itself for college students lol).

But “He loves me,”” I’m happy to share my resources.” ” He’s been free with his,” I justified.

A few months into the love and the layers peeled back. They kept peeling. Truths began to surface. I wasn’t willing to listen though.Not at first. Blinded by my own love ambitions. Lies were being told. My health was affected. I was scared. Trapped. Alone. I couldn’t tell others, as I was too embarrassed. I didn’t know many. He guided me to isolation early on, remember?  My confidence turned into His term Arrogance. My beauty and elegant dress became His term  promiscuity. He was my financial support, primary friend support, and this attachment was killing me, literally.

My process of healing was slow, dysfunctional, and arduously painful. But my testimony is YOUR inspiration. That’s what I learned to embrace my trials as. Catalysts of inspiration for others, so You don’t have to walk my paths, or you can skip the growing pains of the process if you’re already in it.

Relationships, especially in the learning seasons, can be complicated. But I have learned that they should Never cross the line of abuse. PERIOD. Love does Not hide itself from Love or Anyone Else (Thank you for this reality, Iyanla Vanzant). Love is in Abundance. Some of us are just so used to looking in the gutters (dark) for it, that we forget to look up and accept the love all around us. Love is Light. Love is Good. Love is God.

Some Lessons I’ve learned are simple, yet imperative to Survivorship.

1. Have FAITH. Know that YOUR Creation is made for so much more than sorrow and abuse, and its never too late to turn your life around.

2. Develop an Exit Plan, without Mr. Charming. Don’t try to bring him/her to Health by staying because S/He says, “We’ll get help, together.” This is usually just a decoy to buy time for the perpetrator,and quite frankly to continue inflicting pain and fear in you. You can’t truly be free, until you leave your dependence of the abuse.

3. Socialize. All things come to the light, eventually. But the more extensions you have AWAY from the dark, the better your chances.

4. Find at least ONE support link, be it a friend, educator, counselor, mentor or organization. This will help free your mind of all the manipulative seeds You’ve surely digested from being in Abuse. Stretch your resources to more support as you are Ready.

5. Embrace Love where you can. It helps kill the actions of abuse that you’ve learned to perceive as “normalcy”

6. Love Yourself. Forgive Yourself. Nurture Yourself. Trust Yourself. Redeem Yourself. When your SELF (Intuition) Says it’s time to Go. BE OBEDIENT!

7. Learn The Lessons and Share Your Story. Your experience will undoubtedly be another’s blessing.

Remember there’s a blessing in every lesson. Onward. Forward. No reason to live in your past when your future is to Light. So Bright. So Loving. The world won’t be complete until you ACCEPT your part in it.

You Used to Love Him, Now You Don’t? You Pack Up! You Lead Your Life. You be the Leader…and LEAVE!

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